While I have your attention, please allow me to show off our Halloween costumes.

Kahlo and Dalí Surreal Estate Agency

Specializing in timeless dreamscapes since 2011

Oh yeah, this project

Hello again, folks.

If my fans are as devoted as my delusions of self grandeur suggest, I hope you weren't too disappointed by this tease of a blog. (Which, by the way, is not to be confused with this blog of nearly the same URL, minus the hyphen. Wish I had realized that before I chose this title...)

You see, I expected to be unemployed for a long time, and I figured that maintaining a blog would be good reason not to let myself spiral into a nearly vegetative state of frustration and boredom. It would encourage me to partake in minor adventures every day, or at least to search my brain for the most artful way to admit that I spent an entire day watching Downton Abbey in my pajamas.*

*Okay, fine, I admit I did precisely that one day two weeks ago, but only because I was deathly ill with what I'm pretty sure was yet another malaria relapse.

To be honest, I was kind of looking forward to my first few weeks of unemployment. Quite unexpectedly, though, and by a lucky fluke that utterly defies statistical reason in this abysmal job market, I landed two jobs within a week, one in a restaurant and one in an office. Both positions are part-time, but as I've always said--and I've usually had more than one job in my short life--two part-time jobs equals more than one full-time job.

That is to say, I've been busy. Really obnoxiously busy. I am either in transit or working from 10:30 a.m. to 9:00 p.m. three or four days per week. Because I have to ride the bus, I don't get home until 9:00 those nights. Ever the perfect housewife, Jef always has dinner ready on the table when I get home, but he can barely eat it with me before he crashes from exhaustion. (He leaves for work by 7:00 every morning.) Cruelly, the one day each week that I have to get up early is Saturday. The only day I have completely free is Sunday, so my little free time with Jeffrey is so precious that I hardly ever see anyone else.

Needless to say, blogging was a low priority.

So then I thought, "I'll do NaNoWriMo like I did last year, but this time it'll just mean blogging so compulsively that either my friends will get sick of me or I'll get discovered--hopefully the latter!"

But then life got even more crazy.

Also unexpectedly, an opportunity for a full-time job sort of fell in my lap two weeks ago. I accepted a position as an Educational Assistant at a grammar school here in St. Paul. (Yes, a grammar school.)

It's kind of a dream come true. Full-time, normal hours, benefits, and I'll be working with kids again. I'll also be making a good 40% more than I have been, which is ironic, because no one goes into teaching for the money. That's how poor I've been for a few months. (No moral crisis necessary, though: I'm still solidly in the 99%.) Of all of those advantages, though, I am most excited for a normal schedule. To happy hours, afternoon yoga classes, free Thursday evenings at the Walker, 7:00 movies, and reasonable dinner hours, I've missed you. I'll see you in a week.

In the interest of the children with whom I'll be working--and decidedly not in the interest of my own sanity--I offered to begin part-time until I wrap up at my two previous jobs. The result: I currently have three jobs. Thank Zeus, Hera, and Isis that I only have to pull off these 11-hour workdays for two weeks. As I take my one break of the day on the bus ride between Shift 1 and Shift 2 of the day, I consider the fact that some people consistently work two or three jobs and have children, and I am (a) humbled by their perseverance, and (b) really friggin' angry that anyone has to live that way. Blessed are those who occupy Wall Street, because I haven't got the time these days.

After one last awful week, though, I will finally have a moment to breathe. My hard-earned Veteran's Day long weekend can't come soon enough, and after that, I will be very, very thankful for my normal schedule and my dental insurance.

Day 4

Another productive day in (f)un(der)employment. I went to an interview, and then orientation for the diner job, and then I got an offer from the interview.

Oh but wait--it's complicated, because I'm waiting to hear back from a full-time job, but I suppose that's a good problem to have.

And then I went to Thirsty Thursday $1 beer night at the St. Paul Saints, where I got our whole section to sing Happy Birthday to Jef, even though his natal day was six months and change ago.

And now, Jef is reading Game of Thrones and I'm about to dig into Twilight, after judging it all these years. This is evidence that we are not the hipsters we once were. I am, however, and always will be, a critical studies major.

The moral of the story is: ask and ye shall recieve

A few months ago, I sent a letter to a stranger to tell him that I wanted to open a brewery someday.

Tonight, he bought me dinner and beer and offered me a car. Question mark?

Details to follow.

And that's Day 3 of (f)un(der)emploment, folks.

Um, JK?

Adventures in unemployment:

Much ado about nothing, folks: turns out I am so good at unemployment, I won the game in 24 hours.

The good news is: I was offered some host/bus shifts at a local diner today.

The bad news is: 3-4 shifts per week at minimum wage barely counts as employment, so I'm still hunting. Boy, is it ugly. I've got several applications floating, but so far no word.

Adventures in fun(der)employment:

While I was still employed, I splurged on a Groupon for one month of unlimited yoga classes at a studio nearby. Wanting to be productive/battle my French pastry belly/actually get my money's worth/etc, I hopped on over to Corepower today for a class called something like "Intro to Coreblast Sanathananayana."

When I opened the door, I was almost knocked over by the bougie. It's the kind of place that has a boutique in front that sells $100 yoga mats and lots of things that include the words "sandalwood," "lemongrass," and "flow."

No need to buy a $100 mat woven of organic yak hair at a fair trade cooperative in India, though, I have my own. I entered the studio--which, I should note, was balmy--and unfurled my unexotic yoga mat.

Uh oh. I had forgotten that I took my mat camping (well, not camping, but sleeping on the ground at my friend Cassie's farm) this weekend. It was filthy. I glanced around, hoping that none of my classmates or their pristine mats would judge me.

No sooner had we begun our sadasthantanayaga blah blah breathing and warrior poses than I was drenched. I don't know about you, but I hate to sweat in public under any circumstance, and I don't understand the spiritual cleansing power of sweat. If anything cleans my spirit, it's the shower I take afterward. Add the fact that I was dripping onto my dirty mat, and within moments, I was struggling to maintain breath and balance as I slipped around in mud.

I'm not sure whether I was more ashamed or amused.

Frozen Peach's Funemployment, Day 1

In which I'm kind of awesome at this...

As Day 1 of unemployment comes to an end, I must say, I'm so good at this, they should pay me to be unemployed. (Yes, that is a thing, but I don't qualify. I've checked.)

I expected Day 1 to go like this:

1. Feel like a lazy bum when Jef leaves for work at 7:00, decide to pull myself out of bed

2. Spend 20 minutes on Facebook, then 2 hours on job listings I don't intend to apply for
3. Get inspired to go to yoga class at the studio where I have a sweet Groupon

4. Come home tired, make a sandwich and decide I deserve to watch some 30 Rock while I eat

5. End up watching 4 episodes of 30 Rock, pretending to organize something (books, laundry) to make it "productive)

6. Realize it's getting late, dash out the door and off to the Walker Art Center for

7. a really cool music and movie event where a local band scored a Fritz Lang silent film

Instead, Day 1 went like this:

1. Interview for some hostess shifts at a nearby diner. (Result: undetermined. I wasn't very good at lying when she asked if I intended to find full-time work elsewhere. "Uhh...nooo...I really want to support myself on the 3 minimum wage shifts per week you might offer....")

2. Take bus home, miss transfer, curse life as I walk nearly a mile uphill in interview clothes in hot, sunburny sunlight

3. Apply for one position that's desirable, but only part-time

4. Respond to a follow-up e-mail about a previous application

5. Spend a worthwhile hour on the phone catching up with a friend who's about to start at Harvard Law, which means I'll never hear from her again

6. Work on final project for previous job (a blog entry I actually couldn't start until my last day, so no, they're not paying me to finish it, but I'll consider us even for all the time I spent on fashion blogs--er, I mean, philosophy forums--instead of working)

7. Realize it's getting late, dash out the door and off to the Walker Art Center for

8. a really cool music and movie event where a local band scored a Fritz Lang silent film

9. Gorged on people-watching among all the hippest hipster Minneapolis has to offer

An interview, an application, and a legitimate project all make for a very productive first day of unemployment, so here's hoping I can make this steam last. But while we're hoping, let's also hope I won't be unemployed for long, shall we?

ps. I realize it's terribly self-important to post a list of what I did all day, but if I report it to an audience, I think it'll keep me productive. I promise to post more entertaining adventures soon.